STRADDLING

Poker, like police work, requires a lot of patience.  Any detective will tell you he spends far more time in observation than in confrontation.  No doubt about it: plod along plod is the modus operandi for both professional dicks and regular players in Las Vegas card rooms.

 

 Caution and languor defined yesterday’s one-two no-limit game at the MGM Grand. I tell you, playing a hand was almost a chore.  Boredom, ennui and yawns were the afternoon’s keywords.  With five immovable rocks pitted against five stationary boulders, you would have thought betting was against the law.

 

If it's axiomatic that when one’s opponents are playing wild and wooly it’s better to lay back and wait for good cards, then I guess the time to open up one’s game is when everyone else is half asleep.  So I figured yesterday’s game was as good a time as any to attempt a few straddles.

 

 In the world of finance a straddle is a tool whereby a speculator (usually in options) simultaneously takes a long and a short position.  Like straddling a horse, get it?  One of your legs is on the right while the other is on its left.  Hopefully, a trend will develop to indicate in which direction your speculation (one would be hard-pressed to call a straddle an investment) is moving.  A sharp observer will then close the contrary position and ride the other - winning - side home. 

 

 Other than speculation, I have no idea why doubling the big blind in Texas Hold ‘Em is called a straddle.  Rather than a hedge, such a move is clearly one-sided. While it serves to stimulate action and to give the participant the final word in the first round of betting, at no time are your legs on both sides of the beast.

 

 The first time I put up this unnecessary over-blind only one opponent came in.  Even though that was only four dollars, it seemed to scare the do-nothing players away.  Lo and behold, I was dealt a pair of tens.  Adding seventy-six dollars to my unseen bet, I went all-in.  Quickly, my caller dropped out.

 

"Maybe we should all start straddling," said the wise guy on my left. 

 

Of course nobody else did.  Dunce that I am, I alone continued to straddle when in third position.  True, that was only once every ten hands, but if you add up the sum involved over a period of time – well, you get the picture!

 

 After a while I said to the smart aleck next to me:

 

“Hey!  When are you going to follow through on your own suggestion?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” he said.  “I suppose you also expect me to put up eighty bucks to protect a four dollar-blind.”

 

“Was that a mistake?” I asked.

 

“Let’s put it this way: you won’t catch this player going all-in at twenty times his original bet.”

 

That was good to know.  Oh well, the fellow could not have been more than twenty-three years old.  I get the impression that young people today are taught to eschew disproportionate bets.  Some poker guru or some book must be telling them to double up or  to throw in bets equal to the size of the pot.  The idea is to build pots up so that you have something to win!  As smart as that might seem, it is not the only way to go.  If you do not make a few oversized bets, are you not inviting other players in?  For the most part, I would rather chase them out.  What can be more dangerous than letting an adversary see the next card?  That's not all!  Poker demands variance, in betting as well as in the choice of cards one plays.  Stick to formula betting and you might as well play baccarat or blackjack.

 

Eventually, I stopped straddling and asked the floor manager to find me a higher stakes game.  It took over half an hour until a seat at the two-dollar-five dollar table was available.  Just when my name was called, I was directly behind the big blind.  ‘One more time shouldn't hurt,’ I thought, placing four blue chips in front of me.

 

I’ll be Nick the Greek’s great uncle if I wasn’t dealt a pair of queens. After six players folded, an opponent who was heretofore invisible came limping in.  Man, this patsy-faced, bespectacled, bow tie-clad milquetoast could have earned a gold medal for non participation.  I mean, he hadn’t played two hands the entire session.  So when I went all-in for $65 and the tight-ass followed, all I could do was look upward and pray for another queen. 

 

You know what?  When a player gets it into his head that he is going to pay, don’t try to figure him out.  I haven't the slightest clue what went through this weirdo's mind.  Can you believe he paid me with the ace of diamonds and nine of clubs?  Pinch me, somebody, will you, I must be dreaming!  But don’t tell me not to make disproportionate bets, or not to straddle.  Because not only did I win that hand, I went to the more expensive table and kept straddling successfully the rest of the afternoon.